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Please go to bed so Mommy can meditate!

All day I was jazzed and energized all day with the anticipation of reaching new levels of consciousness!  Suddenly at 10pm with my kids finally in bed, I’m hurrying to meditate under duress complete the task by today! My mind settles knowing I need it after cracking the homework whip.  I set my timer for 15 minutes, so I can check something off my To-Do list.

Sitting on the floor, my couch supports my back for comfort (or safety). I promise to stretch more as I tie myself into sitting position. The best I can do is sit cross-legged. My elbows rest on my knees, my hands gently together.

I wing it and go silent this first time. No iGuru, just my breathing and the flame visual. After false starts, I shut my eyes and “look upward” through my 3rd eye (or Magic Eye because it feels like those books where one focuses into the picture when my eyes suddenly focus inward). I can’t say I see other worlds, but my eyes feel open to possibilities not shut in my mind.

The clock on the wall intrusively passes time. Flame visuals evade me so I focus on breathing.  I slow my breathing and let each exhale carry negative feelings away, then good vibrations enter when I inhale.  I take more than my share of TLC with each yawn.  I find myself running through vivid dreams but they dissolve when I stop to glance further.

My only thought is that I’m too tired tonight. My body leans and my shoulders are up by my ears, so I lengthen my spine and posture. My mom would be proud. I am stubborn and don’t open my eyes early.

With a startling tone, I am surprised that 15 minutes passed.  I can’t measure the time spent, more like I hit pause briefly. It felt like a mini mental vacation and my nagging lists, always present, never got a word in edgewise!  I will try again one morning for less fidget, more enlightenment!  As with training, the key is to show up for it, regularly. Do you meditate to clear your head for the day or to unwind from it?

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