I recently gained a new perspective for Kim Kardashian, one of the Key Note Speakers at BlogHer16. Her two mantras were universal and useful.
“Be the best you – do what is within your comfort zone and what makes you feel confident!”
“More Love, No Hate.”
We all have a right to define our personal boundaries. We also have a right to our personal reaction when those boundaries are crossed. Sometimes these actions result in a traffic jam of haters.
I’m not just exposing internet trolls here. Everyone’s interacted with at least one other person resulting in our strong reaction to their action: “MFer cut me off!” …or inaction: “Why didn’t they thank me for the date?”
Here’s where it gets all Fox in Socks, while we discuss our actions following our reaction to the other person’s actions.
- Mind Control – I can’t telekinetically take over their car forcing a safe lane change. Nor will a bird from you make them feel regret. Hateful comments won’t cause Kim to live your definition of life.
- Assuming, it’s true – You know what they say when someone assumes. We truly have no idea what goes on in others’ lives. Be compassionate with friends, family and strangers – we all carry the burden of our own personal stress and goals. Kim challenges her haters to sit down and talk to her.
- Don’t Should on Others – This tells more about us than them. Perhaps you’re not feeling like the most confident you, offloading on or trying to control others really won’t improve your mood.
- What Is My Motivation – Actors question this a lot when considering how to deliver a believable role and speak authentically – as should you when considering your ACTion.
- Spoon Full of Sugar is BS – Sorry my beloved Mary, P. but sugar coating only makes you feel like you’ve delivered a pretty gift when the recipient can still see the shit through the wrapping.
- We Have a Right to our Opinion – True, just like we have a right to ignore it.
- Just don’t Joust – Engaging in battle takes everyone farther from that day’s goals – everyone’s late, flustered, mad and hopefully nothing worse. Kim ignores haters so it’s not their voice she hears, but her own guiding her to be the best her.
- Was your intended response meant to get respect or get even?
- To make people feel better or worse?
- If the latter, for either, is respect deserved?
Unless someone is about to chase their Pokémon into a busy intersection, respect their path. It’s not our place to interject or attempt to convert their reaction to one we are satisfied with.
All together now… we all have a right to our opinions, our reactions to other people’s actions (which we can’t control). We only control and take responsibility for our actions. Nobody makes us feel anything we don’t want to.
That crazy driver didn’t make you mad. You chose to get mad in reaction to a near miss. Did you go on the date so you would get thanks and brownie points or did you go on a date to spend more time with someone you have feelings for? Seen too much of Kim lately? Lest you forgot, you’re in control of how much internet and social media enters your home or the teachable moments (as opposed to swift judgement) that can result.
Finally, she shared how she and her husband Kanye have helped bring out the best in each other – which is what loved ones do. As Kim will tell you, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself!