Hello friends! It’s been a long time – a really, really long time. So much shifted in our world the last few years and within me. Did they with you, too? I don’t know what vibrates with you when facing the end of a year, but deadlines that face a new beginning always sends a spark of hope through me. So here we meet again. I hope you forgive me for staying away until I felt ready to reconnect. Whether today or weeks down the road, when you find this post, the timing will work for us to cross paths and go from there.
It turns out that living through the pandemic tapped into, churned up, blended and squeezed a lot more energy from me than I realized. I’m still trying to settle into a new routine. I haven’t yet landed in a spot where home fully restores and replenishes my energy. I have a feeling I’m not the only one feeling a bit unsettled.
So here I present the rawest “Currently” update! If it doesn’t scare you away, subscribe to hear more because I hope to share some things that helped pull me through this long dry spell and helped me learn to check in with me to set a new course! I want to hear what you need and your life’s dreams because I can help you take the first step today and see what happens next!
SICK TEA – aka: Starbucks’s Honey Citrus Mint Tea (Order it from the app. No, not sponsored in any way)! 2022 felt like a long year with a lot of change and the result, when I finally put my guard down, I’ve been sick since Christmas! All I wanted for the past six days is sick tea and today I felt well enough to drive and get one for myself. Not the usual New Year’s Eve drink of choice. I feel stronger and very grateful!
KOREAN DRAMAS AND CRAZY DOCUMENTARIES! I dived headfirst into all things Kdrama! As someone who became so bored with the sequels and remakes in Hollywood, I love the fresh actors, characters, original plotlines – or original adaptations of a favorite story. In the KDramas I watch, the experience of taking a whole season to finally hold hands with their secret crush feels thrilling. I love trying to learn Asian history and adore the period outfits. To balance out my viewing, trashy documentaries. They’re so well told, I completely get sucked in like the people who swiped right for the Ponzi scheme or false identity.
VEGAN FOOD. I am a sucker for a good challenge. When the co-workers at work said they were doing a vegan January, I joined, fully planning to do a full grocery shopping and join a home order vegan meal plan to guarantee and inspire meals when I land home hangry after work. But here I sit in PJs with 3 ½ hours to go before January starts with no plan. Challenge accepted!
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO
RM’s (from BTS) INDIGO ALBUM. Overall, I love the vibe of this album RM brought to life with many artists I know, and a bunch who are new to me. But the track that broke through immediately and made me sit still and listen: “Wildflower (with youjeen)” that illustrates a comfortable 360 experience that I can close my eyes and retreat to when I need to. The words it shares, the emotions evoked, the journey, seeking, a contrast of his soft voice and the slight vulnerability in youjeen’s strong voice. 2022 wrapped up in a song for me.
CURRENTLY INDULGING IN
SILENT RETREATS! Since the pandemic, I took a deep dive into mindfulness and found it to be very helpful whether controlling my breathing to lower my blood pressure, or whether listening to guided meditations to help me focus on work, or fall asleep. Sometimes, I simply need to silently turn inward to check in with myself first, then face the world. When I was studying mindfulness-based stress relief, we did a one-day silent retreat. I loved it so much that after studying mindful self compassion, I did a five-day silent retreat. So far both of my retreats have been virtual, but I look forward to doing one in-person in big nature. I will definitely be sharing a lot more about the various mindfulness classes I have taken and how the silent retreats went in upcoming blog posts.
ME! I became an empty nester. I counted down the days crowing to everybody about my excitement that my babies flew just far enough (but still close enough) so that this single mom could finally pay attention to myself! But, nobody told me how difficult this end to that relationship would be as an adoptee to essentially say goodbye to my kids and trust they’ll be back. I hate breakups, leaving jobs, moving away from friends or neighbors in any apartment buildings, or the last day of any group venture. On top of that, the last few months with my baby weren’t relaxing and filled with bonding. We were house hunting, moving, trying to decide where she would attend, and I got a new job that I love over the same rapid spring and summer time so while I have so much to be thankful for, it was a flurry of work and stress!
CURRENTLY WORKING ON
PROCESSING MY ADOPTION: I feel this year cracked me open and while sifting through our things during our move, I also began sorting through piles of internal junk stemming from my adoption over 50 years ago. I could no longer avoid facing it head on. I don’t have actual memories or feelings from the first 8 months of my life. As a result of this early transition that I experienced but didn’t have words for, my survival instincts took over and I live constantly in fight or flight mode. I do love my family and I do have friends. I just don’t always trust who I have shown up as, how close I will allow others to get, and I have a terrible memory about significant events and dates. I know that my adoption still impacts my feelings about myself and drives some maddening and self-defeating tendencies. I look forward to peeling back the layers and getting to know myself better.
So let me know if you are still here with a “Happy New Year!” if it’s already 2023 where you are in the comments! While I am working on facing adoption and my life transitions, I feel like the things I have learned along the way can help anyone who wants to know themselves better or be more mindful moving forward. Here’s to a more self-compassionate and rewarding New Year! I hope to see you again!