Fifty Shades of __________!
When I heard Fifty Shades of Grey was Twilight-based fan fiction, I was determined to dislike the series. No millions raving about Christian Grey could lead me to betray Edward Cullen. When film trailers featured shockingly familiar dialogue, I felt it proved that Christian and Anastasia were faking it!
Then, on opening weekend, I found myself out-of-town with hours to kill. With no additional Oscar-nom film haikus to watch, I said “WTF! (Watch The Film!)” Since I was the last person on Earth to get into the series, my spoilers won’t spoil it for you. This is my voyeuristic view.
To Get You Off the Couch
Stars: I had no preconceived view of who Christian (or Ana) should be so they were entirely appetizing.
Ladies Scored First: Both Ana and her valedictorian roomie were graduating from college. Ana had put literature before pillow talk and was a virgin at this point.
Throwing Her a Bone: I liked that, despite introvert tendencies, Ana held her own when drawn into conversations, even negotiations, with Christian.
Points for Grey: A good PSA when Hot Guy initiates condom use.
To Make You Come Again – multiple screenings
Fantasy-asstic: Christian’s experienced, diverse skill set. He knows when and how to play different hands …and stuff.
Billionaire Dream, Sex Machine: You, too, could be seduced by a hot billionaire! (That’s not what BDSM stands for?!)
Setting the Mood: Sultry soundtrack!
Left Me Unsatisfied
Eye-rolling, Lip Biting and Boobs: Less is more.
Open Your Mouth and What Pops Out?: When Christian said “I’m 50 Shades of messed up” I was sucked from the theatre into an MTV reality show.
Push Harder: This isn’t about Christian’s playroom toys. Granted, I don’t know much about his preferences, but if both people want to dabble – so be it. But Grey was always black and white. If Ana thought he won’t always use her in the end as another prop, she’s poorly mistaken – or just poor. While Anastasia pulled out, a sequel bets she’ll be back.
Overall, while the film was anti-climactic, I’ll admit, it was entertaining watching this Twilight/Pretty Woman mashup in-theatre, surrounded by gal pals squealing with every anticipated and unexpected moment in living color.
#MrGrey #ChristianGrey #Anastasia #FiftyShades #FiftyShadesDarker #FiftyShadesFreed #JamieDornan #DakotaJohnson
This movie didn’t do much for me, either. It worked for a little short while, but then soon fell apart when it lost sight of anything at all interesting to say. Good review.
First of all Dan O, let me commend you for being one of the brave men who showed up at a theatre this past weekend. The few I saw looked a bit overwhelmed. You’re so right, that once the conversation died, I wanted to roll over and go to sleep. Thanks for wandering by!