MY F*CKING 2024 WORD OF THE YEAR
Fuuuuuuuuck!
That’s the noise a former people pleaser with liquid sense of self emits when heavy walls drop like a guillotine severing the Velcro-hold of the easiest, most unbelievably supportive kinship that one could dream up (with a fictional character), being hurled down the stairs*, standing weaving and bobbing, only to receive a 1-2 linear kick square in the chest ricocheting them off the track for their own good, flailing to find ground, gasping to breathe, fighting between avoiding or feeling each emotion, banging their head against their fist to stop swirling overthinking as the magnetic attraction of familiarity threatened to pull them back onto the familiar yet dangerous tracks… all while the harsh reality train barrels down upon them whistle screaming and spitting sparks in their face.
… and this was just the first 13 days of this year…
F*ing let it go…
Everyone pause: Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth… Repeat. Inhale, exhale and maybe even through in a little sigh “Fuuuuuuuuuuck!”
WTF (What the f*ck?!)
The next 365 days of this year brought an unbelievable and magical bomb cyclone with the strength from all forces of the universe (and beyond) battling my annoyingly persistent optimism which kept pushing me onward and upward on a collapsing escalator.
F*cking A!
All year I searched for a more inspiring, fierce, focused, goal-oriented word to explain excavating me from my old self, sling-shotting new naked mole rat me up over the chaos, only to slide down a rainbow into any glitter-filled tropical beach – but I kept landing a field of poppies.
For f*cks sake
My delusional daily chant, “It can’t get any worse than this, tomorrow is a new day!” fought hard to beat back my recurring nightmares. Each morning, I’d shore up the optimism leaking from my crumbling foundation only to face things I’d never dreamed of – nor asked for – on any vision board.
FML (F*ck my life)
It’s uncomfortable to face never-ending changing tests and evolve, and truthfully, I was in shock with the rapid-fire personal vendetta from the universe’s fine-tuned algorithm. Though I kept trying to figure out the lesson for these tests, I didn’t have time to reflect as things kept leveling and piling up. I keep trudging through hoping to find some semblance of a conclusion to catch my breath before next year, or before running the next gauntlet.
Who the f*ck are you?
I debated about whether I should share this “out loud,” because it goes completely against the “your personal cheerleader” person I choose to show up as for people. But, I try to reveal myself as a person, not a persona. I want to acknowledge my experiences when things are unraveling and less sparkly, too. I’m guessing both might resonate with others and knowing others walk similar ground feels better than walking alone. I wish I could offer some sage advice – instead, here’s what I keep trying to do.
F*ck perfect!
I wish I could say I spent the year yelling: F*ck perfect, I’m human! It feels so scary and vulnerable to admit life’s challenging moments. When they feel heavy enough for us to consider asking for help carrying the world for a bit while we rest or regroup, we cannot control how the information gets received or regurgitated. The fear of judgement or the bad habit of “shoulding” all over myself still constricts my breathing and dreaming.
IDGAF (I don’t give a f*ck)
I wish I could say I stopped getting upset if people don’t understand me based on their own life experiences. I try every day to overcome the fear of judgment, stay authentic, and share things with others, or enforce limitations, to shore up my boundaries so I don’t lose sight of who I am or aim to become – but I’m not going to lie, if people don’t try to understand, it creates distance.
Tired AF (Tired as f*ck)
I wish I could say I found ways to walk through it victoriously. I walked, took baby steps, but this year exhausted me. But by celebrating the micro-steps forward where I felt some semblance of control of the trajectory or pace of this difficult situation (I’m rooting for you too!) it took the power out of the f*cking shame or frustration that held me back and reminded me of my power – just when the next test arrived. Life is too short to stay stuck in this f*cking mess.
F*cking lighten up
I wish I could say that following a year of cracking myself open to face and feel – not bury – each wave of emotion as it threatened to crush or tumble me, I am not wound as tightly, I’m refreshingly unraveled and a though a bigger mystery to myself than before – it feels lighter and I feel more agile. That may have felt true when I wrote this, but it’s also true that I’m literally counting down the minutes trying to survive 2024.
F*cking get help!
My therapist reminds me, “It’s hard to be human. We’re all just doing the best we can.” Defining the biggest struggle or pain of our lives feels so personal and so many people I know face things much harder and more heartbreaking than I do every day. We’re all facing things that feel insurmountable to us. I can say that I’m working harder to consider other people’s hearts.
Un-f*cking-real!
It’s near impossible to connect with my own heart when I’m stuck in auto-pilot damage control mode. But I mindfully looked for moments when love and light seeped through – I noticed it, reached for it, grabbed a handful, and wrapped myself up in it. This year I joined some amazing online conversations – some with friends, some with new people, all with the goal of trying to support each other through things!
F*cking stop
I’ve made it a daily effort to take 15 minutes, five minutes, or even five seconds to stop and enjoy the sunlight on my face, or a flower on a bush I’ve never noticed before, or how it feels when one of my children laughs, or to hug a friend. Creating this sacred space allows me to put down any overwhelming issues for a split second. The issues still exist, but when I face them next, my strength feels replenished. The ability to control my time reminds me that even if I’m not finding my footing, if I point towards the sunlight, eventually I will breathe again.
“F*ck It” point: noun
1: The point where your fear and overwhelm gets so bad that you have to make a choice – let fear and anxiety drown you or take your chances, drown out the naysayers, and do it anyway!
Synonyms: Let them!, Let It Go!
I’ve heard this message many times, but this year, when I heard Bruce Springsteen describing this in the Elvis documentary on Netflix, it totally made sense or finally felt real. I mean if The King felt nerves before his 1968 Comeback Special and did it anyway, so can I!
For F*cks Sake
Maybe that’s the point of this year to get me to the fuck it point so I can separate out what’s real or not, what I can control or not, and feel my strength and superpowers to move forward in the direction of my destiny. To prove that 2024 tried to take me out, when I got thrown down the stairs again yesterday I found that I caught myself faster, didn’t injure myself, or go into shock like I did the first week of January. So on some level, my annoying optimism chooses to see that as proof that I’ve strengthened some of my survival skills. But I still want the magic reset and the hope of a new year for 2025!
F*ck yeah
If you want to make the most of this human experience – the good, bad, and the aging gracefully – you’re in the right place. If you prefer to stick to the perfectly choreographed lives of others, no judgment, I dive down those rabbit holes, too. If you’re not sure what you want, join us for the 5-week “Writing for stress-relief” group. Subscribe above on my blog to make sure you get the emails when we start the next group. Come for one week or every week. I will try not to let too many F bombs fly, but know that you are welcome to.
*No physical harm was done to me beyond the stairs incident which was me forgetting to put my Crocs in sports mode before I tore down the stairs to make it to a goal-setting zoom chat. I did that to myself. 2nd time too, when I was wearing slippers, true to their name, I slipped.
- How do you use F*ck in a sentence?
- Or do you have a different favorite emphasis/curse word?
- What’s your 2024 word of the year?
- What’s your 2025 word of the year?
- For ways I celebrate a New Years’ reset visit:
- For more inspirational words of the year visit:
